Side Effects
by hulettwyo
Summary: Written from a prompt: Person A is thinking sexually graphic or generally odd thoughts and suddenly panics and thinks, "If you're a mind reader, cough right now." Person B coughs. Takes place just after the Season Five episode, The Replacement, then goes AU. There are seven chapters in this story and I've completed it, so there won't be a long wait between updates. Yay!
1. Slimed

Written from a prompt: Person A is thinking sexually graphic or generally odd thoughts and suddenly panics and thinks, "If you're a mind reader, cough right now."

Person B coughs.

Takes place just after the Season Five episode, The Replacement, then goes AU.

Side Effects

Chapter One – Slimed

Spike trudged along behind Buffy, occasionally shaking more of the smelly blood and slime mixture from his coat. He'd managed to squeeze most of it out of his hair and had wiped his face and neck clean with the hem of his t-shirt.

Buffy was drenched in the goo from head to toe, and had been complaining about that fact since they'd crawled out of the demon's lair. She stomped along the sidewalk, muttering under her breath. "Look at my shirt! It's ruined! My skirt is torn, and these boots were new! Stupid explody demon. This junk better come out of my hair, or I'm gonna..."

Spike snorted, "You're gonna what, Slayer? That demon can't get any deader."

She stopped, stomping her foot down hard, then turned slowly to face him, glaring angrily through the splotches of slime all over her face. "It can't… but you can. So keep talking, Spike. I dare you."

He held up his hands in a conciliatory gesture. "Hey now, don't think it's quite cricket to threaten the bloke who volunteered to…"

Buffy screeched, "Volunteered?! You made me pay you before you'd even get out of your chair!"

Spike took a step back. "Well… yeah. Have to pay for blood somehow, don't I? Not like I can get a job, is it? And I'm not 'bout to put myself at risk for a lark, Slayer. You want me fightin' demons for you, I'll need some dosh. Think I earned it, too." He motioned to a patch of wetness on his sleeve. "I got slimed just like you did."

"Barely! You only got it on your head and your stupid coat! I've got it everywhere, Spike! Everywhere! It's even in my mouth! Do you have any idea how gross that is?"

Spike's anger flared and he took a step forward, his hands clenching into fists. "It's not my fault the demon exploded! Watcher told you not to jab your sword into its belly. You were meant to cut its head off!"

Buffy took a menacing step toward him. "And I would have if you'd been doing the job I PAID you to do. You were supposed to be distracting it so I could get into position, but noooo… you were playing around over in the corner, so I took the only shot I had available!"

Spike closed the distance between them. "I wasn't 'playin' around in the corner,' you self-righteous bint! I was holdin' off that thing's bloody minions! Seven of 'em! Tryin' to keep 'em off you!"

They stood glaring each other down, both breathing hard through their noses for several minutes before Buffy huffed and turned around. "Whatever. Let's just go tell Giles it's dead so I can go home and take a shower."

She started walking again and Spike stared after her for a few seconds then mumbled under his breath as he started walking, "Ungrateful bitch."

"I heard that."

Spike mocked her in a whiny voice, "I heard that."

"Shut up, Spike."

The next ten minutes were spent in silence. Buffy's stomping had slowly tapered off into normal walking while Spike's footfalls were so quiet that Buffy had glanced over her shoulder several times to see if he was still there.

She did it again and he grumbled, "You can quit eyeballin' me anytime, Slayer. 'M still here."

She muttered, "Probably staring at my ass, too, you pig."

His steps faltered just a bit. He'd actually been admiring her legs, but now… His eyes tracked up the backs of her slime-covered thighs and came to rest on her backside. The slime had drenched the fabric of what had been a flippy little skirt and it was now molded to her flesh, showcasing every movement of her buttocks as she walked. '_She does have a delectable little arse. Wouldn't mind takin' a bite out of that.' _

Buffy's head whipped around. "What?"

Spike stopped, startled by the sudden motion. "I didn't say anything."

She narrowed her eyes, considering him for a moment, then turned and started walking. "Well, keep doing that and come on. We're almost there."

XXXX

Buffy stood under the spray, letting the hot water melt the gunk out of her hair. God, it stunk. Like rotten eggs and sour milk that had been left in a hot car all day. She soaped a washcloth and started swiping it over her skin, starting at her forehead and working down. At least the stuff washed off pretty easily. She slid the cloth over her backside and paused as the words 'delectable arse' floated across her brain.

She shivered a little. The words had been barely a whisper when they'd been walking down the sidewalk, and she hadn't been sure she'd even heard them at all, but now… No. Spike hadn't said anything, she was sure of it, because he hated her guts… and her 'arse.' There was no way he'd find her in any way 'delectable.' Not in a million years. Besides, she hated him right back… even though she did think he was kind of cute… okay… more like freaking hot. But evil. Totally evil.

She closed her eyes, her mind traveling back to earlier that day when she'd gone to Spike's crypt to get his help with the demon. He'd been sprawled in his chair, wearing only a ratty pair of jeans, and her eyes had traveled over him, sort of getting stuck on the muscles rippling across his abdomen. She'd had time to think, _'How can he be so evil and so damn yummy at the same time?'_ before he'd looked up from his book. Thankfully, she'd managed to drag her eyes away from his body and he hadn't noticed her staring.

Someone knocked on the door and Buffy startled violently, dropping the washcloth. It landed in the bottom of the tub with a wet plop and Buffy raised that hand to clutch at her racing heart. Riley's voice drifted through the door. "Buffy? I just got back. You almost done?"

She swallowed. "Yeah, um… give me ten minutes." She bent and picked up the washcloth, guilt washing over her along with the hot water. She'd come to her mom's house to shower so she wouldn't have to explain the horrible stench to the other people in her dorm, but she'd completely forgotten that Riley was coming back tonight and they'd already planned to stay here because Joyce had taken Dawn on a buying trip. The guilt amped up a notch or ten. Actually… she'd completely forgotten about Riley altogether. Hadn't even given him a passing thought since she'd gone to Spike for help because Riley was out of town. Instead of anticipating her boyfriend's arrival and the night of sex he'd been planning all week, she'd been standing there thinking about another guy… while naked! An evil guy. Naked evil guy thinking! She tipped her head back with a sigh. And now she was thinking about Spike being naked. She was such a bad girlfriend.

She resumed her washing, trying to wrestle the guilt under control while also trying to 'get in the mood' for Riley. Truth be told, while she enjoyed having sex with him, she hardly ever climaxed, and when she did, they weren't really all that earth-shattering. It's not that he wasn't good at it or enthusiastic about it, he was – at least she thought so, it wasn't like she had a lot of experience in that area – but it just seemed like she needed… more. She'd heard other girls talking about their favorite positions – Riley would only do missionary or girl-on-top – and how their boyfriends would go down on them – Riley's mouth had never been any further south than her breasts – and she sometimes wondered if she was missing out. Plus, she couldn't really let herself go with Riley for fear of breaking him. She'd lost control for a few seconds a week or so before the 'haunted frat house' incident and Riley had squawked like a scalded cat then had curled into a ball, clutching at his groin. Since then, she'd spent most of her sexy-time with him worrying that she was squeezing him too hard and trying to keep herself in check. Forcing herself to hold back didn't make for much pleasure having during their encounters… at least on her end. He seemed to enjoy himself, though, so she tried to take pleasure in his pleasure, but she was usually left lying there tense and unsatisfied while he snored next to her.

She sighed deeply then turned off the shower and stepped out onto the rug, catching her reflection in the mirror over the sink. She turned this way and that, looking at her backside, then frowned and lifted her robe off the hook on the bathroom door, trying really hard not to wonder why Spike not finding her attractive bothered her so much.

XXXX

Spike sat at a table in the back corner, nursing a beer as he watched the young people of Sunnydale gyrate on the Bronze's dance floor. The kids here tonight were mostly college age, sprinkled here and there with a few high school kids out after their curfew. His predator's eyes were quite adept at picking out the weakest members of the herd – the ones most likely to go quietly and not put up a fuss that could draw attention to his activities. Back in the good old days – the pre-chip days – he could spend all night in a club like this one, drinking his fill of blood and booze, and no one would be the wiser… until the trash men came to empty the bins, of course, but by that time, he'd be long gone.

A pale, waifish girl with shiny black hair smiled shyly at him from amongst a group of college girls gathered about ten feet away; a group she'd been on the fringes of all night, not really acknowledged except by the barest of margins. She'd be easy to snare. It would take only a smile and a light brush of his fingertips up her arm, followed by a small compliment whispered huskily into her ear, and she'd follow him anywhere he led, even to her death.

He smiled back at the girl and she blushed prettily. He liked it when they blushed. The rush of hormones made their blood just that much sweeter. He sighed and took a pull from his beer. There'd be no blood for him. Not from her, anyway. Soddin' chip.

She was still watching him when he set the bottle back on the table. He licked his lips and scented a sudden burst of pheromones from the girl. She wanted him. He smiled and twitched his head in a beckoning gesture. Might not get any blood tonight, but maybe he'd get his leg over. Since he'd helped the Slayer kill that demon the other day, sex was pretty much all he could think about, and he'd nearly wanked himself raw. It would be a welcome change to sink into a warm, willing body instead of having to nick yet another bottle of lotion.

The girl stepped toward the table and he rose to meet her, leaning down to speak directly into her ear. He brushed his fingertips lightly up her forearm as he said, "Been noticin' you all night, luv. You're beautiful." She shuddered at his words and his touch and he leaned a little closer, his lips brushing her ear, "Want to go somewhere a little quieter, pet? Get to know each other a bit? Promise I won't bite… unless you ask real nice."

She nodded and he gently took her hand then smiled at her and led her out of the Bronze. He had enough cash left out of what Buffy had paid him to spring for a motel room.

XXXX

Spike rolled onto his back and stretched, enjoying the ache of well-used muscles. The girl he'd led out of the Bronze, her name was Lily, was face down on the mattress next to him. She'd passed out after her last climax – he'd been taking her hard from behind – and now she was sleeping the sleep of the well-shagged. She'd kept up fairly well for a human – the quietest birds were usually the wildest in the sack – although he'd had to be careful not to power his thrusts with his vampire strength so the blasted chip wouldn't fry his brain.

He sat up, scrubbing his hands through his hair as he looked down at his cock. It was still hard even after several orgasms with Lily and a two hour nap. He groaned. He'd made her scream and beg and writhe and claw at his back – he could feel the scratches healing as he sat there – but it wasn't enough. He was still raring to go. He'd been hard for days already, and he'd gone to the Bronze as a distraction and to give his left arm a rest, but the second he'd walked in and had scented all those pheromones wafting to and fro from the press of young, virile humans, his cock had definitely been anything but distracted.

He looked over his shoulder at the sleeping girl, her hair spread out like a fan around her head and her legs still spread wide. Could she stand another go? He turned and reached out, poking at her hip. "Pet?" She didn't move. He tried again, poking a little harder, but not hard enough to set off the chip. "Lily? Luv?" She still didn't move.

He contemplated just using her, sliding into her, unconscious or not, and getting his end away, but then he shook his head. He'd always preferred conscious, willing partners; shagging was a lot more satisfying if the bird – or bloke, he wasn't all that picky – **wanted** to be getting shagged. Not to say that he hadn't raped, he had – hello… vampire – but if he had his druthers, and no other demons were around to judge his actions, he didn't.

Spike sighed then stood and walked into the bathroom, stopping along the way to fish a bottle of lotion out of his duster. Maybe a long wank would tame the beast, but something in him sincerely doubted it.


	2. Undeniable Urges

Side Effects

Chapter Two – Undeniable Urges

Buffy stopped walking then sighed and turned around. "What are you doing here, Spike?"

A white-blond head popped around the corner of the mausoleum Buffy had just walked past, followed by a lithe body encased in a black leather coat. Spike shrugged as he dug his cigarettes out of his pocket. "Gettin' in a bit of violence before bed. You?"

"My job. And I don't need your help. Go away."

"Free country, Slayer. I've as much right to be trollin' the boneyard as you do."

"I'm not trolling, I'm PA-trolling. Doing my sacred duty. Staking annoying vampires. And look! I just found one." Buffy produced a stake from he knew not where and brandished it menacingly.

Spike backed up. "Fine." He took three steps to the side and sat down on a headstone then waved a hand. "Be on your way then. I'll just sit and take the air for a bit."

"You do that." Buffy turned and continued on her path.

Spike watched her go, enjoying the view. She was wearing tight jeans that accentuated every curve. He drew on his cigarette and expelled a cloud of blue-gray smoke. '_Delectable little arse on that one. Completely biteable.' _

Buffy spun around. "What did you say?"

Spike blinked. "Didn't say anything." He quirked an eyebrow. "Why? What'd you hear?"

Buffy eyed him then mumbled, "Nothing. I didn't hear anything. I'm going home."

Spike blinked again. "Uh… okay. See you around then, I guess."

She didn't respond. Spike frowned as she started backing away, keeping her eyes on him. '_Bint's goin' barmy. Hearin' voices and the like. Stress must be gettin' to her.' _ A leer stretched across his face and Buffy's steps faltered almost imperceptibly. '_Soldier-Boy must not be gettin' the job done. Leavin' her all pent-up and unsatisfied. Woman like her needs a little monster in her man. Somebody who can take what she dishes out. Never shagged a Slayer before. Probably be a hell of a ride. Wonder how she tastes?' _ He licked his lips then shifted on the headstone, trying to adjust the ever-present hard-on that had suddenly gotten harder. '_She's got my cock hard as stone just thinkin' 'bout buryin' my tongue in that sweet little quim. God, how I'd make her scream.' _

Buffy suddenly spun around and started running to beat the devil, disappearing from view before Spike had even registered that she'd moved. He stared at the place she'd been not five seconds before. "What the bloody hell was that?"

He looked down at the front of his jeans and sighed, wishing he could go pay Lily a visit, but she was out of town visiting her mum. She said she'd definitely look him up when she got back in a week, but there was no way he'd be able to wait that long, and since the Bronze was closed, he wouldn't be able to pick up a different bird tonight. He dipped into his pocket, pulling out a brand new bottle of lotion. "Was hopin' I wouldn't have to use this. Balls." He dropped the lotion back into his pocket and finished his cigarette, flicking it away with another sigh. "Never thought I'd get tired of wankin'." He stood and started walking toward his crypt, flexing his left hand. "Gonna be a long night."

XXXX

Buffy ran. She sprinted through the graveyard, vaulting headstones and dodging around mausoleums and statues. She spied a vampire climbing out of a grave fifty feet off to her right and veered in that direction. She pulled her stake, slammed it home without missing a step, and was fifty feet further on before the hapless vampire's dust had started to settle.

She sprinted toward her mom's house, thinking furiously. '_I heard him this time. I swear I heard him… but his mouth wasn't moving! At all! He was just sitting there, staring at me!' _ A flush of warmth spread through her and she had to slow down as she turned onto Revello Drive. '_The things he was saying… no, thinking. He was thinking those things. He wants to… and I **felt** it. What he was thinking. I felt it.' _ An image of his tongue sliding out to lick at his lip flashed in her mind and another flush of warmth spread through her, settling deep inside. Her pussy clenched and Buffy gasped and stumbled up the steps to the front door, breathing hard. '_Oh God. I can feel it again.' _ The image of that tongue sliding in and out kept cycling on repeat and Buffy swore she could feel it touching her flesh. Flesh that was swollen and throbbing between her legs, but the almost feeling wasn't quite enough. She needed something… more.

She fumbled her keys out of her pocket and unlocked the front door then banged it open. Just as soon as she'd stumbled across the threshold, she banged it shut behind her and leaned against it, still clutching her keys in her left hand. Her right hand, seemingly of its own accord, slipped into her jeans, plunging toward the throbbing place. She slid her fingers inside her thong and rubbed furiously, rocking her hips in time with the image of Spike's tongue that was still cycling on repeat.

Her orgasm exploded through her and her vision went white. She slid down the door until her butt thumped on the rug then she just sat there in a daze, her hand still buried in her jeans.

She came back to herself some time later, and her first coherent thought was, '_Spike was right. Riley never made me come that hard in person, much less just by thinking about him.' _

She groaned. It was still happening. More thoughts of Spike were tumbling through her mind and her hand started to move again. She dropped her keys and unfastened her jeans, sliding them as far down as she could manage with only one hand.

It was several hours later before a sweaty and sticky Buffy with two terribly sore arms dragged herself upstairs to the shower. Then she gave the pulsating shower head a workout and ran the water heater completely dry before she finally dragged herself to bed, falling into an exhausted slumber the instant her head hit the pillow.

XXXX

Giles swung open his front door and smiled at the person on the other side. "Hello, Buffy." When she just stood there, he added, "Please come in."

She stepped through the door then turned and just looked at him again. He cleared his throat. "Is there something I can do for you?"

She peered at him then asked, "What are you thinking about me right now?"

He sputtered, "I beg your pardon?"

"Are you thinking something about me right now?"

"Maybe you should explain exactly what you mean."

"Before I do, I need you to do something. It's gonna sound weird, but just go with it, okay?"

"I will try."

"Okay. Think something at me about my hair." He looked intently at her for a few seconds and she asked, "Are you doing it?"

He nodded. "I have, several times."

She sighed. "Well… crap. It's just him then."

He took her arm and led her gently toward the couch. "What's this all about, Buffy?"

She sat down then slipped her shoes off and brought her legs up, folding them underneath her. "You remember that demon Spike and I killed a few days ago?"

"Yes."

"And how I got slimed?"

"Yes."

"Does the slime have any… side effects?"

He shook his head. "Most demon slime will cause slight skin irritation if it's not washed off within four hours or so, but I don't know of any other side effects. Why?"

"So it wouldn't make me able to read someone's mind?"

Giles' eyes widened. "You were trying to read my mind just now?"

"Yeah, but it didn't work."

"But you have read someone else's mind since you killed that demon?"

"Yeah. Spike's."

"You've read Spike's mind?"

Buffy shuddered. "Not the whole thing, thank God, but yeah, I've, well… heard isn't really the right word. I mean, I kind of heard his thoughts, but I wasn't really **hearing** them, they were just there. You know when you talk to yourself in your head; you're not really hearing anything but the thoughts are still in your voice? Well, that's what it was like. He was talking in my head and the thoughts were in his voice. Does that make any sense?"

"Yes, amazingly, it does."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "That's not all. I also felt what he was thinking."

"You felt his thoughts? What were they about?"

Buffy blushed and looked down at her hands then mumbled, "Adult… um… activities. He's a big perv."

Giles cleared his throat again. "Oh. Yes. Well… I can see how that would be… disconcerting."

"Disconcerting doesn't really cover it. Wigged beyond all previous wiggage is more like it. You're in America now, Giles, you should speak American."

Giles rolled his eyes then caught himself doing it and closed them instead. "Yes, wiggage is a better word than disconcerting. I'll ring Merriam-Webster and inform them at my earliest convenience." He stood and moved toward the bookshelf. "I will have to do some research to find out why the slime is having this effect on you. Do you know if Spike could hear your thoughts as well?"

"No, and I'm not going to go talk to him about it, either, so don't even ask."

"Not having all the facts will make research a bit more difficult."

"You'll deal."

Giles frowned. "I suppose I will have to. In the meantime, you should probably avoid contact with Spike."

Buffy said clearly, "Not a problem," then muttered under her breath, "Although him not actually being there doesn't seem to make a difference."

Giles hadn't heard her mutter as he looked over the books on his shelf. He pulled out a large book and opened it. "On the bright side, most things like this generally run their course and don't have any lasting effects, so in a few days, a week or two at most, you will be back to normal."

Buffy stared at her Watcher incredulously. "So… you're saying that your big plan is to just ignore it and hope it goes away?"

"No, Buffy. If I uncover something that may help, I will contact you, but…"

"Basically… stay away from Spike and hope it doesn't get worse."

"Precisely."

XXXX

Staying away from Spike should have been easy peasy, but nooo. Buffy went to the Bronze to try to relax. Spike was there, skulking in a corner and hitting on the waitress. Buffy stopped by the Espresso Pump for a cup of coffee. Spike was there, too, chatting up the barista. Buffy went patrolling on the other side of town from where Spike's crypt was located, and guess who was there fighting half a dozen vampires? Yep. Spike. He was everywhere.

Buffy went home.

She stomped up the front steps and unlocked the door then sighed and banged her forehead on it. "Stop following me, Spike."

His voice came from the street. "Wasn't followin' you."

Buffy turned to face him as he strolled casually up the sidewalk. "Then why are you here?"

He shrugged. "Not exactly sure. Just had the notion to head for this part of town. Figured I'd see if Joyce was home. Didn't even know you'd be here."

"Stay away from my mother."

Spike smirked. "Not your decision who your mum has a cuppa with, now is it, pet? 'Sides, your little sis likes me."

"Stay away from my mom AND my sister or you'll fit in a 'cuppa,' fang-boy."

_'Bloody hell, but she's sexy when she's all riled up. Chest heavin' like that; taut little nips pokin' right through her shirt. Just right for nibblin' on. Could spend hours with 'em in my mouth.'_ Buffy gasped and crossed her arms over her chest as she turned to face the door. Spike blinked then looked around at the yard and street. "You all right, Slayer? Look like you've had a fright."

Buffy mumbled at the door, "I…I'm fine. Go away."

Spike stepped back and tilted his head. _ 'Oh yeah. Show me that arse, Slayer. Love that skirt. Wish she'd bend over just a bit, show me that succulent little peach. God, if she tastes as good as she smells, I'd gobble her right up. Lick her 'till she screamed.'_

Buffy threw the door open and bolted into the house. She slammed the door behind her and leaned against it, hoping it would block the thoughts from the pervy vampire on her sidewalk, although part of her wasn't quite sure she wanted them blocked. Her nipples were hard enough to cut glass and she was all throbby down there again. Images were flashing in her mind of Spike's mouth closing around her breast, his blond head moving between her thighs. And she could feel it. All of it. How was he able to do this to her?

She heard Spike step up onto the porch and another of his thoughts came to her. _'Wonder what that was all about? Don't hear or smell anythin' anywhere around here that'd be scary enough to frighten that bird. Hmmm… maybe I'll hang about a bit. Make sure.'_

Buffy headed for the stairs with a groan of frustration. She needed to take care of this, but she didn't want Spike to hear her. She took the stairs two at a time, muttering under her breath, "Stupid vampire hearing."

She scooted into her room and tore off her shirt. She'd never been this horny in her life. Her bra hit the floor next and then her fingers were on her nipples, pulling and twisting. "Oh God…" She knew it was her fingers touching her, but it felt like a moist, cool mouth, the tongue circling, the teeth nipping. She shuddered and stumbled toward her bed, shimmying out of her skirt on the way. She kicked it off and fell backwards, bouncing on the mattress as she reached down and tore her thong from her body.

She could feel the cool tongue on her sex now, circling and sucking her swollen nub before plunging deeply into her. She thrust desperately with the first two fingers of her right hand as the fingers of her left hand pinched and rubbed.

Spike heard breathy moans and gasps coming from upstairs and, curiosity piqued, he scaled the tree outside Buffy's window. He jumped lightly to the roof and squatted down; peeking in through the blinds, then very nearly fell off the roof. He grasped the window ledge and held on, his eyes glued to the beautiful woman writhing in ecstasy on her girly bed. _'Bloody fucking hell, Slayer. Work that little cunny. Yeah. Oh, flick it, yeah, just like that. Now pinch. Deeper, Buffy. Get those fingers all the way in.'_

Buffy's eyes flew open and her gaze tracked to the window. Her hands stopped their motion and she removed them, laying them on the bed next to her as she stared at him.

Spike drew in a deep breath and held it, sure she was going to jump off the bed and drive a stake through his heart. But she just lay there open to him, her legs splayed wide, showing him the glistening petals of her flower. Her chest was heaving, and when her swollen nub twitched, he dropped his left hand to his crotch, rubbing the heel hard across his cock. _'God, don't stop now, Slayer! Just keep doin' what you were doin.' You can stake me later. C'mon now, slide those fingers in, deep as you can go.'_

She lifted her right hand and slid the first two fingers deep into her cleft and Spike very nearly fell off the roof again. He scrabbled for the window ledge and stared in shock at her now motionless hand. _ 'Bloody hell! Can you hear what I'm thinkin'? If you can, cough right now.'_

Buffy coughed.

Spike fell off the roof.


	3. ShagFest 2000

Side Effects

Chapter Three – ShagFest 2000

Spike was just picking himself up off the ground when a small fist wound itself into the front of his t-shirt. He was jerked up and Buffy's angry – and very flushed – face loomed large in his vision. "How are you doing that? How are you making me feel this way?"

He blinked. She was starkers, standing on her back lawn wearing not a stitch of clothing, and the aroma wafting from her lady parts was making his mouth water. He swallowed hard and sputtered, "I don't know!"

She turned and started dragging him toward the back door. "Well, since this is obviously your fault, you're gonna fix it. My arms are still sore from the last time and my mom can't afford the water bill."

He'd gotten his feet under him and was stumbling along behind her. "My fault? Last time? Water bill? What're you talkin' about? You're not makin' any bloody sense, woman!"

They were nearing the back door now, and because Buffy didn't seem to be slowing down, Spike prepared himself to slam into the barrier. He was through the kitchen and being dragged up the stairs before the shock wore off. There'd been no barrier. Buffy hadn't disinvited him from the house after the Adam debacle.

He didn't have time to wonder about that because Buffy pulled him into her bedroom and threw him onto the bed. She slammed the door closed and stood there, hands on her hips. "Strip."

Spike scrambled backwards, tumbling off the other side of the bed. He popped up, ready to do something, although he wasn't sure what, and the sight that met his eyes caused his mouth to drop open. Buffy was leaning back against her door, one hand on her breast, fingers pinching and rolling the nipple while the other was buried between her legs. Her hips were thrusting against her hand and she was staring at him with pleading eyes. "Do something, Spike. Help me. God, I can't stop."

His duster was pooling on the floor behind him and his shirt was pulled off and floating down to rest on her desk before he'd even rounded the end of her bed. He dropped to his knees in front of her and lifted her left leg to his shoulder then batted her hand away and dove in, his tongue delving deep into her folds.

He moaned into her heated flesh as her taste burst on his tongue. Her hands flew to his head, her fingers gripping his hair tight as she ground down against his mouth.

It didn't take long. Her fingers tightened even more, ripping some of his hair out by the roots as she arched back against the door with a scream. She flooded his mouth, her nub pulsing wildly against his upper lip as he drank her down, lapping up every drop he could find.

She stood there panting harshly for a handful of seconds then looked down at him and shoved him backwards. He thumped to the floor on his back then slid a few feet, his head narrowly missing the corner post of her bed. Then she was standing over him, her hands jerking at his belt before he could even sit up. He pushed her hands out of the way then expertly released his belt and the buttons of his jeans. She grasped the waistband and jerked them down, seemingly unperturbed by his lack of undergarments, then voiced a frustrated little whine when the jeans caught on his boots.

She snarled, "Screw the boots," and planted her hands on his chest, pushing him flat to the floor again. She straddled him then reached between her legs, grasping his erection in a tight fist before guiding the tip to her opening and sinking down.

Spike groaned, his eyes rolling back in his head as his hands grasped her hips, pulling her down until her pelvis was flush with his. They both stilled for a few seconds while she adjusted to his size then she started rocking her hips, her hands once again planted firmly on his chest. She glared down at him. "How are you doing this?" She threw her head back and started riding him faster. "God, what did you do to me?"

He thrust up into her, grunting out a response as he did, "I didn't do anythin', you crazy bint. You dragged me in here and jumped on me." He hissed as her nails dug into his skin. "Not that I'm complainin'. Ride me, Buffy. Harder. Fuck yeah. Squeeze me, just like that. God, you're so hot, you're juicy little quim's gonna burn me up." He gripped her hips tighter, powering his thrusts with some vampire strength.

"Shut up, Spike. Don't stop, but shut up."

He snarled and lifted her off him, tossing her over his head to land on the bed. He kicked his boots and jeans off then got to his feet and turned to face her, his glistening cock proudly pointing the way. She'd landed face down on the bed and was looking over her shoulder at the vampire stalking slowly toward her. He stepped to the side of the bed and reached down, grasping her hips, then jerked her up sharply and impaled her in one harsh thrust. "You wanted it, missy, so take it. All of it."

Buffy scrambled for purchase, finally gripping her comforter tight in her fists as Spike pounded into her from behind. He was holding nothing back now, plowing into her with all his strength. She could feel his hipbones slamming against her ass, and the thought that his chip should be going off drifted past, but then she realized that while it hurt, it was a good hurt, the kind of hurt that makes you want more. And she did. She braced her hands against the bed and pushed back against his thrusts. Spike responded by tangling his fingers in her hair and pulling her head up. "You like that, don't you, Slayer? You like takin' it from the Big Bad. Havin' my cock fillin' you up. I'm gonna make you scream."

His words were hitting almost as hard as his cock and Buffy was seeing stars. She could feel the gathering climax starting low in her belly and she clamped her walls down hard on him then relaxed. She did that several times in rapid cycles then smirked to herself when Spike groaned loudly and his fingers tightened on her hip and in her hair. His thrusts sped up a little, becoming somewhat erratic, and then the stars exploded and her vision whited out completely. She thought she might have screamed, but she wasn't sure. She wouldn't have heard it over Spike's howl anyway.

XXXX

Spike stretched and reached down, scratching absently at his belly. He felt good. Really good. His hand drifted further down and scratched at the nest of pubic hair around his flaccid cock. He froze. He sat up, blinking down at himself. His cock wasn't hard.

He spied a small foot next to his and his eyes tracked along the leg attached to it then he shot to his feet, backing away from the bed that had a sleeping Slayer on it. A very naked, very debauched sleeping Slayer. She was draped over the edge of the bed; face down with her legs spread obscenely wide, her sex swollen and glistening.

A wide grin split his face. _'Bloody hell! I shagged a Slayer! Always knew the only thing better than killin' a Slayer would be fuckin' one. They'll have to change my name from Slayer of Slayers to Shagger of Slayers.'_

Buffy stirred and mumbled out a muffled, "I can still hear your thoughts… Pig." She groaned and lifted up on her elbows. "Oh God… not again."

Spike looked down and sighed. He was hard. "Bollocks."

Buffy rolled onto her back and scooted fully up onto the bed, one hand drifting to her breast to pinch and squeeze the nipple. "Something is weird here, Spike. Hellmouthy weird."

Spike took a few steps toward her, licking his lips and nodding. "Agreed."

Buffy's other hand slid between her spread legs and she moaned. "This isn't natural, you and me. It's wrong."

Spike lifted a knee to the bed and leaned down, resting a hand on the bed near her hip. The other hand slid up her leg. "Vampire shaggin' a Slayer. Sworn enemies. Can't get more unnatural than that."

Buffy moaned again when Spike's fingers slid into her. "And I have a boyfriend."

Spike lowered himself to the bed, his tongue flicking against her nub before he said, "That you do." He laid the flat of his tongue against her and licked.

Buffy's hand moved to his head, fingers tangling in his hair as she pulled his face closer to her core. "Will you stop agreeing with me?"

He nodded, his tongue sliding up and down, then he pulled back far enough to say, "Soon as you say somethin' I don't agree with." He removed his fingers and replaced them with his tongue.

"We have to go see Giles."

Spike raised his head, causing Buffy to whimper at the loss, then he smirked. "Agreed." Buffy glared and he raised a finger in a 'not done speaking' gesture. "But not 'till after."

"After what?"

He lowered his head and resumed his earlier activities, mumbling against her flesh. "After we've shagged ourselves stupid."

Buffy lifted her hips to meet his mouth and groaned, "Agreed. Oh God, right there!"

XXXX

Two exhausted beings stood in front of the Watcher's door nearly sixteen hours later. They'd shagged eight ways from Sunday, in every position they could think of, running completely through Spike's extensive repertoire… twice. Buffy had done things with Spike that she was pretty sure were illegal in most states, especially the thing with the bath brush, but they hadn't been able to stop until a particularly acrobatic move had injured Spike in a delicate area.

Walking across town had been painful for both of them – especially considering that Spike had taken her hard and fast against the trunk of a tree and then she'd thrown him to the ground and had ridden him hard into the gravel strewn parking lot of a small park. Spike leaned heavily against the door frame of Giles' apartment, wondering why in the world he had to own jeans that were so damn tight. Luckily, he'd left his duster at Buffy's, so the gravel had only shredded his shirt and his back instead of damaging his coat.

Giles finally opened the door after Buffy's third round of knocking. He was wearing a bathrobe and his hair was standing up in wild corkscrews. He blinked sleepily at the two people standing on his stoop then his eyes widened.

Buffy brushed tiredly past him with a muttered, "I didn't stay away from Spike and it got worse," as she made for the couch. She curled up in the corner, hugging her knees to her chest.

Spike hobbled in after her and went straight to the kitchen. He grabbed a tea towel and a handful of ice then limped over to the couch and dropped heavily onto the end opposite Buffy, wrapping the ice in the towel and placing it lightly on his groin.

Giles still stood next to his open front door, blinking owlishly. He gathered himself and shut the door then moved to the chair facing the couch. He studied the vampire and the Slayer with a measured gaze then whispered, "Oh Dear Lord. You two have been engaging in… sexual congress."

Spike snorted. "Sexual congress? We've been shaggin' ourselves blind, Rupert. Been goin' at it for hours. Every position I could think of, every orifice we possess. We've used toys, food, Joyce is gonna need a new bath brush… we can't get enough."

Buffy mumbled, "And my room is totally destroyed. I need a new bed, a closet door, a dresser, a desk… and I think there's a hole in the floor."

Giles paled considerably then shot to his feet and walked quickly to a trunk sitting against the wall. "I should have known."

Buffy looked over at him. "Known what?"

Giles pulled a large volume from the trunk and started flipping pages. "That demon. It's not the slime that has this effect, it's the blood." He looked up from the book. "Did both of you come into contact with the demon's blood?"

Buffy and Spike both nodded and Buffy said, "Kind of hard not to. The stupid thing exploded."

Spike adjusted his ice pack. "How long is this gonna last?" He leered over at Buffy. "Even the pain I'm in right now isn't dampening my bloody libido. If you weren't here, Watcher, I'd bend your Slayer over the back of the sofa and shag her rotten." He pictured it in his mind, tearing her sweats down over her hips and sliding into her tight little arse.

Buffy moaned low in her throat and shifted on the couch. "God, shut up, Spike! And stop thinking! You're not going there again! I'm still sore from the last three times!"

Giles coughed uncomfortably and reached for his glasses, only to find that he wasn't wearing them. Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Without his glasses, Spike's motions to Buffy indicating that she should sit on his lap, sans pants, were quite blurry, but then Buffy stood and started sliding her sweats down and Spike's ice pack thumped to the floor because he'd popped the buttons of his jeans. Giles slammed the book closed and headed for the stairs. "I'll just be upstairs." He looked up at the wide open loft containing his bed then stammered, "I..I mean in the lavatory."

Buffy and Spike paid him no mind and Giles hurried down the hall, trying to block out Spike's whispered, "Slide down easy now, Slayer, you're still slicked up. Yeah… just like that. Squeeze me," and Buffy's moaned, "Oh God, you can go there whenever you want. It's so good."

Giles dropped the book on a cabinet then shut the door. He could still hear them. He turned the sink taps on full blast then plugged his ears with his fingers. This was going to be a long night.

XXXX

Spike rapped on the door… again. "Rupert! We're done for the moment, so if you've something to tell us, you'd best get to it. No tellin' when it'll start up again and I don't know that your sofa can handle another go."

Giles rose from the floor, leaving the rolled towel he'd used as a pillow, and turned off the taps before he cautiously pulled the door open and peeked through the crack. Spike was standing in the hall outside the bathroom, wearing only his jeans and boots, his chest covered in fresh scratches and bite marks. Giles assumed that Spike's t-shirt hadn't survived the latest encounter and he wondered about the state of his sofa.

Spike turned and headed for the living room and Giles blinked at his back. More scratches. Buffy really needed to cut her nails. Giles shuddered and followed the vampire.

XXXX

"Uh, Giles… um… Spike can't get me pregnant."

Giles sighed. "I'm fully aware of that fact, Buffy, and that's the problem. When a demon elder of that species is about to die, it opens a vein, spraying its blood over two younger members of its clan. The blood is a powerful aphrodisiac, making them care about nothing but copulation until such time as the male impregnates the female. Once that happens, the power in the blood ceases to be effective and they go on with their lives. It's a population control device. That species only creates offspring when one of them dies, keeping their population at a constant level."

"So why did I have to kill it? They don't sound dangerous or anything and they're not trying to overrun the planet, so…"

"That one had gone rogue and was recruiting other demons to try to take over the Hellmouth. They don't usually have minions. They're solitary creatures, actually, only gathering for the death ritual."

"The spraying blood and then having lots of sex thing?"

"Yes. That."

Spike adjusted himself, willing the Watcher to be quicker in his explanations. It was starting again and Giles was about to witness one hell of a show if he didn't get to the bleeding point and soon. "What's that got to do with the mind reading bit?"

"That species of demon is telepathic. That's how they know when to come together for the ritual. I assume that contact with its bodily fluids somehow transferred that ability."

Buffy shot a glare at Spike. "God! Think about something else, would you? Think about tea or scones or soccer or whatever British people think about, but stop thinking about licking me!"

Spike shrugged and leered. "Watcher started it. All that talk of bodily fluids…"

Buffy moaned and shifted on the couch, her hand drifting to the crotch of her sweats. "Why can't Spike read my thoughts?"

Giles shook his head and looked away from the now writhing Buffy, focusing instead on one of his bookshelves. "I'm not sure, but because he had only minimal contact with the slime and blood, I'm going to assume that the amount of exposure has something to do with it. He was exposed enough for the aphrodisiac properties to affect him, but not the telepathic properties."

Buffy moaned again then stood. "Okay. That'll have to do for now. You'd better go somewhere else for a while. Those exposure comments have Spike thinking all kinds of things. And they're things I really don't want you to see."

Giles glanced at Spike, only to look away as quickly as he could. Spike had unbuttoned his jeans and had his cock in his hand, stroking it slowly. Looking at Buffy wasn't any better. She'd already slipped out of her sweats and was lifting her shirt over her head. Giles immediately shifted his gaze to the floor and stood, turning toward his front door. "I'll be at the Magic Box, researching how to end this." He walked to the door and lifted a jacket off the coat tree. "Please don't destroy my flat… or use any of my kitchen utensils or bathroom implements in an inappropriate manner."

He pulled open the door. "But if you do, please put those items in a pile. I'll burn them later." Two loud moans and the sound of skin slapping against skin was their response.

Giles fled.


	4. Hard Right Onto Responsibility Lane

Side Effects

Chapter Four – Hard Right Onto Responsibility Lane

Spike rolled off Buffy and lay on his back, panting harshly. "Bloody hell. I'll probably be the first vamp in recorded history to dust from sheer exhaustion."

Buffy was breathing just as hard. "I'm gonna die from starvation. I haven't eaten anything since this started. Well… except for… you know." She motioned weakly toward his groin.

Spike smirked. "I haven't eaten, either, except for… you know." He chuckled as he motioned toward her groin. "I think by now, considerin' everything we've done to one another, we should be able to say it."

Buffy shook her head. "No, I'm good. We both know what we mean, so we'll just leave it alone. God, I'm starving."

Spike's stomach rumbled in agreement. "We should probably eat while we can. No tellin' how long this is gonna go on."

Buffy nodded. "Okay. Let's get up and do that."

"Right. Let's."

They lay there, not moving, until their breathing slowed and the aches and pains started making themselves known. Spike stretched with a groan then looked over at the pile of splintered wood and shredded cloth that used to be Rupert's sofa. "He's gonna be a bit brassed off 'bout that, I think."

Buffy sat up slowly, her hands going to her lower back to knead at the sore muscles. "He'll deal." She turned to look behind her then picked up the book she'd been lying on. She lifted her head and cringed. "He might not deal with that, though. Look." She pointed to the jumbled pile of books and broken boards.

Spike looked and barked out a laugh. "Least it wasn't his kitchen utensils or bathroom implements. Sod never said anythin' 'bout his books."

Buffy reached over and picked up the wooden spoon that was lying next to Spike's hip. She prodded him to roll over, which he did, and she matched the bowl of the spoon to several welts on his pale backside. Then she smacked him hard, giggling when he yelped. "I'm pretty sure that spanking is an appropriate use for this, so should we tell him?"

Spike rolled back over then took the spoon and sat up, chucking it neatly overhand. It sailed through the pass-through into the kitchen, landing with a loud clatter in the sink. "Nope. I'm sure he had his arse tanned many a time with one of those in his youth… and maybe later. Hell, he might've been the one doin' the tanning. Rupes always did strike me as bein' a bit on the kinky side." He winked at Buffy. "Bet if you lot hadn't been underfoot all the time when he had me chained in his bloody tub, I'd have gotten to see a bit of it. He did threaten to warm my arse with his belt once… you know – Headmaster and errant schoolboy… but then the witch showed up and that was the end of that."

Buffy shoved him with a laugh and said, "Ewww… that's just… wrong." Spike leered and Buffy's eyelids fluttered. She moaned and lay back down, her hips twitching. "Okay… not wrong." She opened her eyes and looked up at him. "He probably still has those chains if you want me to chain you up. And I bet he has an extra belt."

Spike shivered then said in a husky voice, "I've been bad, Miss Summers."

They found the chains and the belt.

XXXX

Giles knocked on his front door – at least it was still on the hinges, that was a good sign – and called out, "Buffy? Spike? I have some news." He adjusted the bags hanging from his left hand. "And sustenance." No answer. Giles took a deep breath and opened the door, steeling his nerves for what was sure to be a scene of total destruction. His nerves weren't disappointed.

His living room looked like a bomb had been detonated on his coffee table. There were broken bits of furniture strewn everywhere, interspersed with his curtains, books, and assorted knick-knacks. Smack dab in the center of the destruction – Ground Zero, as it were – lay the unconscious forms of Spike and Buffy. They were both naked, unless you counted the manacles around Spike's wrists and ankles and the leather belt wrapped around Buffy's right hand. The chain that had attached Spike to the radiator against the wall was broken into several pieces. The radiator itself had been pulled violently from its moorings and was lying near Spike's head.

Giles carefully picked his way through the mess to the kitchen and set the bags on the counter. He took out three bags of blood and put one in the microwave, setting it to heat while he unpacked the to-go box containing Buffy's meal. When the microwave dinged, he poured blood into the 'Kiss the Librarian' mug Spike favored and set it on the pass-through counter. He transferred Buffy's meal to a plate then pulled a small glass vial from his pocket and sprinkled the contents over her food. He capped the vial and pocketed it then set the plate next to the mug of blood along with a fork and a glass of milk.

He took a deep breath and exited the kitchen, once again picking his way carefully through the mess until he'd reached Buffy's side. He snagged the blanket that had rested on the back of his sofa and draped it over them then reached down and shook Buffy's shoulder. "Buffy?"

She stirred, mumbling something he couldn't make out, then rolled to her side, laying her head on Spike's chest and draping her arm across his stomach. Spike grunted and shifted slightly, wrapping his arm around her back and pulling her close.

He shook her shoulder again. "Buffy! Wake up!"

Buffy jerked and opened her eyes, turning her head to peer up at Giles. "What?"

Giles motioned around the living room. "I distinctly remember asking you NOT to destroy my flat."

She shrugged and laid her head back down on Spike's chest. "Not our fault, Giles. You know that. At least we kept it contained to the living room. The rest of the place is fine."

Giles sighed. "I suppose you're right. I brought food for you and blood for Spike, and I've discovered a way to put a stop to this."

Buffy lifted her head again. "You have? What is it?"

"It's quite simple, really. You have to get pregnant."

XXXX

Spike was sitting somewhat uncomfortably on a stool in front of the pass-through, wearing Giles' spare robe as he drank down his fourth mug of blood. "Can't believe you got me human blood, Rupert." He looked at the man leaning against the kitchen counter sipping a cup of tea. "Although, I think whoever donated this must've been part demon. It doesn't taste bad, exactly, just a little… off."

Giles nodded, wearing a cryptic expression. "You may be right. And you need to drink that last bag of blood." He smiled at Spike's inquisitive look then nodded at Buffy. "Finish your meals and I'll explain."

Buffy nodded back, unable to speak because her mouth was full of food. She was wearing a brand new bathrobe that Giles had purchased on his way back to the apartment. Spike shrugged and walked into the kitchen to heat another mug of blood.

He sat back down – carefully – just as Buffy set her fork down and discreetly burped into the back of her hand. She drained her glass of milk, burped again, then took a deep breath. "Okay, Watcher-mine, what's the deal? You said I have to get pregnant? You do remember the whole 'Spike can't get me pregnant' thing, right? And I don't want to be pregnant. I can't slay if I'm pregnant. And what about college? I'd have to quit school. I'm not ready to have kids, Giles. I can barely take care of myself, how am I going to handle a baby?"

Spike muttered over the rim of his mug, "Not one breath in all of that. Quite the lung capacity you have there, Slayer."

Buffy didn't even look at him. "Shut up, Spike."

Spike smirked and looked at Giles. "I have to agree with her, Rupes. I can't get her up the duff, and even if I could, I'm not daddy material… at least not in that context." He leered over at Buffy.

Buffy's eyes widened then she screeched, "Ewww, Spike! God, you're so gross! I am NOT calling you Daddy!"

Spike shrugged. "Your loss, pet. Role-play can be a bit of all right." He shifted on the stool. "And my sore arse says you didn't seem to mind playin' the role of Headmistress, but if Daddy play isn't your thing…" He leered again. "…how 'bout Naughty Nurse? That strike your fancy? You could give me a sponge bath… with your tongue."

Buffy smacked Spike on the arm and Giles cleared his throat then said sternly, "If you two are quite finished."

Buffy mumbled, "Sorry, but he started it."

Giles gave her one of his patented 'I'm surrounded by fools' looks and set down his tea cup. He looked at Spike. "You are correct in your assumption, Spike. That blood does have demon blood in it, but just a very little."

Spike eyed the mug in his hand warily. "What kind of demon?"

"Mohra."

Spike hurriedly set the mug on the counter and backed away. "You fed me Mohra blood? Without askin' me first?"

Buffy looked at the mug then at Spike then at Giles. "What's he talking about? What did you do?"

Giles waved a dismissive hand. "Nothing that will affect him permanently. We measured the dose very carefully."

Spike squeaked, "Dose? What dose?" He glared at Giles. "What the bloody hell are you talkin' about? You know what that stuff does, right? It'll turn me human! I'm not 'bout to lose my demon strength and senses on top of havin' this chip in my bleedin' skull! I'll be a sittin' duck for anyone or anything to pop by and kill at their leisure!"

Giles said in clipped tones, "It. Will. Not. Affect. You. Permanently. Get a grip, man, you're making a fool of yourself."

Spike started to sputter, shouting curses and waving his arms. Buffy turned and laid a hand gently on one flailing arm. "Calm down, Spike. Let him explain, okay?" She turned to Giles. "So explain, already. What did you do to him?"

"Anya told me about the properties and uses of Mohra blood. It will only turn you completely human – ridding you of your vampire demon – if you mix your blood with the blood of a Mohra, say in a cut or puncture wound. If a small amount is ingested, however, you will only be human for as long as the blood remains in your system. Once it's been fully digested, you will revert to your vampire state." Giles waved at the mug. "For the blood to work properly, you need to finish that last bag."

Spike glared at the mug. "And if I don't?"

Giles motioned around his living room then looked intently at Spike. "Then you and Buffy will most likely shag yourselves to madness… or death. Even if you left right now and went your separate ways, the compulsion would still be upon you. Both of you could engage in sexual activity with every person between here and Los Angeles and it wouldn't matter. You would still be drawn to each other, and when you came back together, you would continue with this…" He waved around his living room again. "…and you would eventually be unable to sleep, to eat, to function normally. It won't end, Spike, not until Buffy is pregnant with **your** child."

Buffy said very quietly, "I'm not ready to have a baby, Giles. I can't do it."

Giles stepped toward her and laid his hand gently on hers. "You don't have to carry it to term, Buffy. Once the aphrodisiac properties in the blood have been negated, you can undergo a procedure to terminate the pregnancy."

Buffy nodded, a single tear dripping down her cheek. "Okay."

Spike interjected, "Hey! Don't I get a say in this? It'll be my sprog you're killin'! Think I should get a vote!"

Buffy looked over at him. "You said you weren't daddy material, remember?"

Spike looked down at his feet. "Well… yeah, but that was before I knew it was a possibility."

"I can't raise a child alone, Spike."

Spike looked up at her and barked, "You're not alone! You're never alone! You're the only Slayer I've ever heard of with a bloody entourage!" He gestured to Giles. "You have him, the witches, demon-girl and her carpenter, your mum, your sis…" He stopped suddenly then his voice dropped to a whisper, "…and me."

Buffy's expression became incredulous. "You? You're gonna change diapers and do midnight feedings and take it to the park? Let it spit up all over your precious coat? Really? And who says I want to be in a relationship with you? We can barely stand to be in the same room together when we're not under some kind of stupid spell!"

Spike shouted, "We don't have to be together to raise a child, you daft bint! People get divorced all the time and still manage to raise kids!"

Buffy jumped to her feet. "What about slaying, huh? How am I gonna fight demons when I'm as big as a house? What about when I have to nurse? You think I can just tell the vampire I'm fighting, 'Hey, can you wait right here and not kill anybody while I feed my baby?' You think that'll work?"

Spike stepped closer, bringing them nose to nose. "I can do that, too! I'm nearly as strong as you and I have decades more fighting experience! You think I can't handle a few paltry demons? I've been killin' demons since before you were a twinkle in your grandfather's eye!"

Giles slapped his hands down on the counter and roared, "Stop this now!" Spike and Buffy both froze then turned as one to stare at Giles. He looked at one stool then the other and said firmly, "Sit. Down."

They sat.

"Now, Spike… you have indicated your wish to keep the child, but have you completely thought this through? How will you provide for it? You have no income and you live in a crypt. That is not a proper environment for a child."

Spike looked down at his lap. "Yeah, this is a boatload of manly responsibility to come flyin' out of nowhere, Rupes, I get that, but…" He glanced over at Buffy. "If you laugh at me, I swear…"

Buffy whispered, "I won't laugh, I promise."

Spike nodded and looked back down at his lap. "I always wanted a family, back when I was human. Didn't happen, though, and when Dru sired me I put that dream away, but now…" He looked up, catching Giles' eyes with his own. "This is my only chance to be a father, Rupert. Don't make me have to put that away again. Please."

Giles nodded slightly then frowned. "Wanting to be a father is all well and good, but I have to ask again. How will you support a child?"

Spike spoke quickly, "I have money. You don't live as long as I have without learnin' how to invest, 'specially when it's pounded into you by your lump of a grandsire. I have personal accounts, and if I talk to the poof, I can access my portion of the Aurelian funds. I have more than enough to support a child, Rupert. I could support a dozen children."

Buffy glared at Spike then punched him hard in the shoulder, nearly knocking him off the stool. "You made me PAY you to fight that demon. You made Giles PAY you to help him when he got turned into a Furry demon…"

Spike and Giles both interrupted at the same time, "Fyarl demon."

Buffy slashed her hand through the air. "Whatever. I had to PAY you to help me find Riley. You've begged us all for money to buy blood and cigarettes and booze and you had your own money the whole time?"

Spike shrugged as he rubbed his shoulder. "That was pounded into me by Darla. She never used her own money when she could use someone else's." He smirked. "I'm the product of my upbringing, Slayer. Isn't that the thing these days? To blame your problems and shortcomings on the people who raised you? Wonder what our child will blame on us?"

Buffy's glare intensified. "You think you're fit to raise a child?"

Spike looked down at his lap again. "Probably not, but quite a few humans aren't fit, and yet they pop out kids like bleedin' PEZ dispensers." He looked up at Buffy with pleading eyes. "I took care of Dru for over a century and she's harder to manage than any sprog. I can do this, Buffy. Please let me."

Giles reached out and pushed the mug a little closer to Spike. "Finish the blood. The fate of the child doesn't have to be decided just now, so let's deal with the problem at hand and discuss that at a later date."

Buffy looked at Spike for a few long minutes then nodded. "Giles is right. We can talk about this later. I promise I won't make any decisions without you, okay?"

Spike swallowed and turned to the counter with a quiet, "Thank you, Buffy." He picked up the mug and drained it then handed it to Giles. "Hit me again, barkeep."


	5. Slow and Steady Wins the Race

Side Effects

Chapter Five – Slow and Steady Wins the Race

Buffy sat quietly looking at Spike as he drank the last mug of blood. She turned to Giles. "So when does he turn human?"

"The change should be complete within the hour." He looked at Spike. "Are you feeling anything yet?"

Spike shook his head. "Not yet. I'll let you know." He looked at Buffy. "You'll have to take it easy on me, Slayer. Won't be able to heal as quick or take as much punishment, so you'll have to hold back your strength a mite, like I imagine you have to with Soldier-Boy."

Buffy paled and looked a little sick. "Oh God… Riley. I completely forgot about him!"

Spike chuckled. "Lad doesn't make much of an impression, does he? Not compared to me, anyway. But you didn't **completely** forget about him. You've mentioned him a few times in passing, but it was my name you were screamin'."

"Shut up, Spike! God! I've been cheating on Riley! A lot! And I have to keep cheating on him for another week! How am I going to explain this?"

Spike looked at Buffy in outrage. "A week? You don't think I can get the job done in less than a week? Way to bolster a man's ego, Slayer."

Buffy glared at him. "It's got nothing to do with your ego, Spike. I don't ovulate for another week! I can't get pregnant until I ovulate! Don't you know anything about women?"

Giles cleared his throat. "Actually, Buffy, that's not entirely accurate."

Buffy turned her glare to Giles. "Yes, it is! He doesn't know anything about women!"

Spike bellowed, "I bloody well do know 'bout women! How many times have I made you come? In how many ways? Think I know what the bleedin' hell I'm doin'!"

Buffy shouted, "Not that, you idiot! God, you're a moron!"

Spike roared, "You're an emasculating bitch!"

Giles slapped his hands down on the counter again. "Children!" They froze and turned to look at him. Giles sighed and reached up to remove his glasses. "If you will both be silent, I will explain." He quickly wiped the lenses then replaced his glasses before reaching down to pull the small glass vial from his pocket. He set it on the counter then tapped the cork. "I put this on your food, Buffy."

Buffy peered at the vial. "What is it?"

"A potion. Tara made it for you. It will induce ovulation within two hours of consumption. Providing that Spike's… uh… seed… is viable, and depending on the amount of… effort… put forth, you could very well be pregnant before the next sunrise."

Buffy gasped out in a horrified whisper, "You told Tara? Anya I didn't really mind, because she probably knows all about this kind of stuff… and she's all about the sex anyway… but Tara knows? Who else did you tell?"

Giles coughed sheepishly and reached for his glasses again. "Oh… well… I had to research the problem, you see, so I… uh…"

Spike snorted. "You mustered the troops, didn't you? The whole pile of 'em."

Buffy squeaked, "Xander knows? Willow? Oh God… how can I face them after this?"

Spike's tone was indignant. "Now just wait a bloody second! I don't think I care for your attitude, Slayer! Shaggin' me isn't somethin' to be ashamed of, you know! And I'll not be your dirty little secret! Not if we have a child together!"

Buffy blanched. "It's not you… it's just… I **cheated** on my boyfriend, Spike! And if that wasn't bad enough, I completely forgot I even **had** a boyfriend! What kind of person does that make me?"

Giles said quietly, "It makes you a person under a magical influence. You had no control over your actions, and if Riley had been the one to accompany you to the demon's lair, then he would be the one here with you now. Spike being here is just a twist of fate… the product of bad timing."

Spike turned his back and crossed his arms over his chest. "You two sure know how to make a bloke feel wanted." He turned back around and jabbed a finger at Buffy. "And if your oversize hall monitor **had** gone with you and you'd shagged him like you shagged me? He'd be crippled… or dead. Think about that one for a while, missy. Me goin' with you probably saved that prat's life. You're bloody welcome." He stood up and waved vaguely toward the bathroom. "I'm gonna go have a wash up so I don't offend your delicate sensibilities when you're forced to shag me again to save **your** bloody life." He started stomping toward the bathroom, muttering under his breath, "Ungrateful, emasculating bitch."

XXXX

Spike was rinsing the shampoo out of his hair when it happened. He jerked, knocking several bottles off the shelf that clattered loudly to the bottom of the tub, then he gasped and clutched at his chest, his fingertips digging into his skin. He braced his other hand on the wall as spots swam before his eyes, then he realized what was going on and took a breath. The spots evaporated after several lungfuls of air and he looked down at his chest. His heart was beating.

He heard a light knock on the door and Buffy's voice called out, "Spike? Are you okay? We heard a noise."

Spike stuck his head back under the water, ignoring her, and finished rinsing his hair. He turned off the water and stepped out of the tub, snagging a towel off the rack. "I'm fine, Slayer. And I'm bloody human. Give me a mo' and I'll be right out to service you, m'lady."

"You don't have to be a jerk about it, Spike."

He wrapped the towel around his waist then pulled open the door and barked, "Don't I? I think I have every right to be however I want to be. I didn't ask for this, you know." He jabbed a finger in the direction of the kitchen. "Did your bloody Watcher bother to talk to me like a person? Ask me if I'd help? No! He dosed me without my consent! He **poisoned ** me!" Spike thumped a fist on his chest. "And now my bloody heart's beating!"

Buffy frowned and glanced over her shoulder. "I understand how you feel, Spike. He did the same thing to me… again."

Spike's head tilted. "I get the feelin' you're not talkin' 'bout recent events here, pet."

Buffy shook her head. "I'm not. On my eighteenth birthday, he…" She trailed off and shuddered, wrapping her arms around herself.

Spike reached out and gently pushed a lock of hair out of her face. "The Tento di Cruciamentum. I've heard of it. Barbaric practice and not sportin' at all. What vampire did the Wanker's Council choose?"

"Zachary Kralik."

Spike's eyes widened. "That sod? Bloody hell, Buffy, he's a psychopath, even for a demon. And you killed him without your Slayer powers?"

Buffy nodded then shrugged. "Well, yeah. He had my mom."

Spike looked at her in wonder and said quietly, "I knew you were somethin' special the first time I laid eyes on you."

She sighed. "Yeah, I'm special all right. And most of the time it sucks. I am so freaking tired of other people deciding what's best for me. I'm an adult. I should get to make those decisions."

Spike shook himself out of his wonder and switched his mind back to the topic at hand. "Too right you are. All Rupert had to do was explain the situation, what we needed to do, and we'd have both likely done it. There was no need to force it on us, trick us into it. Tosser."

Buffy reached out and stroked her fingers lightly down Spike's damp chest just over his heart. "Does it feel… weird?"

Spike looked down at her hand. "Yeah. It does. I can feel my blood rushin' about, too. Hear it poundin' in my ears."

"Can you still vamp out?"

"Don't know. Hang on." Spike's brow furrowed in concentration then his face morphed into his demon visage, but his ridges were softer somehow, his eyes not quite as yellow. He bared his fangs then shook off the demon. "It's harder to do, and my senses aren't as sharp. I feel weaker, too, like my limbs weigh too much. You're really gonna have to take it easy on me. I'm a fragile little human now. Easily breakable."

Buffy nodded and looked down at the floor. "I don't need to… um… have an orgasm… to get pregnant, so I'll try not to move too much or squeeze you too hard. I'll just let you do what you need to do. That way I won't hurt you." She sighed. "I guess I've had all the good sex I'm ever gonna have."

Spike puffed up quite a bit at her praise then cupped her chin with his fingers, lifting her gaze to his. "You're not a soddin' blow-up doll and I'll not treat you like one. You'll have orgasms, Buffy, as many as I can manage. I said I was breakable, not inept. And sex doesn't always have to be acrobatic and furniture-destroying to be good."

Buffy blushed and nodded. "Speaking of… sex. Um… have you noticed that we haven't had any for a while? Like almost three hours. That's the longest we've gone between…" She trailed off.

"Shags?" Spike supplied.

"Yeah. I haven't been feeling your thoughts. I still hear them, like with the Naughty Nurse thing, but I don't feel them. Do you think it wore off or something?"

Spike chuckled a little bitterly. "No, it hasn't worn off. You haven't been feelin' my thoughts 'cause I'm controllin' 'em. I'm 'bout to go barking mad with lust over here, but I thought you needed a break, time to eat and get some things sorted."

Buffy took a step back and planted her fists on her hips. "You can control it? And you waited until now to tell me?"

Spike shook his head then turned and leaned against the sink. "I only discovered how to control it durin' that last go-round. You chainin' me up was what did it."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Spike shrugged. "It made me remember my 'lessons' from when I was newly turned. Angelus would chain me 'til I was nearly mad with hunger then he'd bloody up a few humans and tie 'em in front of me, just out of reach. I didn't get to eat 'til I could spend one full hour smellin' their blood without unleashin' my demon. Only took three or four sessions to teach me how stuff the hunger into a box. I simply applied that lesson to controllin' my thoughts. I still have them, but I've been able to stop sendin' them to you, and…" He motioned to his groin. "…to this… unless I want to." He looked her up and down. "But if you knew what I was thinkin' right now, Buffy, could feel it..." He licked his lips and stared at her intently. "The things I want to do to you."

Buffy's eyes widened and she gasped quietly then whispered, "What things?"

Spike pushed off the sink and stalked closer, leaning down to brush his lips across the pulse point in her neck. "Bit of a nibble here…" He slid one side of her robe open just enough to bare her collarbone. "…a lick there." He used his nose to burrow under the cloth until his lips met her nipple then he sucked it sharply. Buffy gasped again and clutched his head in her hands, pressing her breast further into his mouth.

Spike suckled at her breast while he untied the knot in the robe's belt and slid it down until it rested at the crooks of her elbows. Buffy started to lower her arms, intending to let it slide to the floor, but Spike lifted his hands, placing them on the robe. "No, leave it. It's dead sexy."

Buffy nodded then let out a small squeak when Spike scooped her into his arms then kicked the door shut and carried her to the small cabinet across from the tub. He set her down lightly on the top and spread her legs, stepping into the space between them. He cupped her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers, sliding his tongue lightly along the seam. Buffy opened her mouth and the kiss intensified. She clutched at his waist, her fumbling fingers releasing the towel's hold.

It was the first kiss they'd shared since the 'Wedding Bells for Spike and Buffy' spell of the previous year. They'd done nearly everything else imaginable with their mouths since she'd dragged Spike into her room, but kissing had seemed too personal somehow.

Spike moaned into the kiss, his tongue exploring Buffy's mouth with fervor. He pulled back when he remembered that she had to breathe at some point… and now he did, too… and pressed his forehead against hers. Buffy whispered, "We're gonna destroy Giles' bathroom, aren't we?"

Spike rocked his head in a negative gesture. "No, pet. We're gonna do this one slow. Just leave it to me." He kissed her again, one hand drifting down until his fingers met her entrance. He circled it slowly, dipping slightly inside then sliding up to press against her nub.

Buffy pulled her head back. "Spike, stop."

He did, removing his hand and taking a small step backwards. "What's wrong?"

Buffy's cheeks heated and she looked down. "I was gonna take a shower before we… I'm all gross and sticky."

Spike smiled and stepped forward, leaning down to nuzzle at her neck as his hand resumed its earlier activities. "Not gross, but if it's botherin' you, I'll do some clean-up." He slowly lowered himself to his knees, his lips and tongue trailing from her neck down to her breasts where he sucked and nibbled for a few minutes before continuing his descent. He circled her navel with his tongue then nibbled his way to her mound, giving her nub a few slow licks.

Buffy leaned back against the wall, lifting her knees with her hands as Spike scooted her backside toward the edge of the cabinet. He set her feet on his shoulders then guided her hands to his head and mumbled against her flesh, "Hang on tight, pet."

She twined her fingers in his hair as he went to work with lips, teeth, and tongue. He took his time, building her from a sputtering match to a raging inferno with his licking, nipping, and sucking. She was lost in pleasure. Nothing else mattered except Spike and what he was doing to her.

He sent her sailing over the edge with a sharp sucking pull. She screamed and arched her back as her fingers tightened in his hair. He kept licking and sucking, gently bringing her back down to earth until she collapsed against the wall, panting and puffing like she'd just sprinted a mile. Her numb fingers loosened and her hands fell away from his head.

He kissed the insides of her thighs then started rising to his feet, planting feather light kisses up her body as he went. When his face was level with hers, she smiled a loopy smile at him. "Not saying that wasn't amazing, because it was, but it won't get me pregnant."

Spike smirked. "Sex is about more than procreation, pet, even in this situation. It's supposed to be enjoyable, no matter the reason for havin' it." He winked. "That's one. Let's see how many more I can manage, all right?"

She nodded. "Okay."

He repositioned her on the cabinet then lined himself up, sliding into her with exquisitely torturous slowness. Once he was fully seated, he stilled and looked down at where they were joined. "I'm as warm as you are. Feels odd."

Buffy looked. "Odd good or odd bad?"

He pulled out about halfway then slid slowly back in with a low moan. "Odd good." He slid his hands under her backside and hooked his thumbs over her hipbones then started thrusting slow and deep, dipping his head to suckle at her breasts.

The final tally for the slow bathroom sex was Buffy – 7, Spike – 3.


	6. Drunks and Small Children

Side Effects

Chapter Six – Drunks and Small Children

Giles looked up from his newspaper as they stepped into the living room. "Judging by the lack of crashing noises, may I assume that my lavatory is still in working order?"

Buffy nodded. "I even wiped up the water on the floor from the shower."

"A shower I'm assuming you took together?"

Buffy blushed. "Well…"

Spike stepped in front of her and sat down at the counter. "Yeah, Rupert. We shagged in your shower. Get over it."

Buffy sat down on the stool next to him. "We're gonna go back to my mom's house to… um… finish up. I'll let you know when it's over."

Giles folded the paper and laid it on the counter. "Are you sure that's wise? Can your mother afford any more… damage?"

Buffy shrugged. "We'll just stay in my room. It's already destroyed, so there's not much else we can do to it…"

Spike interjected, "I'll pay for the repairs to Joyce's house." Giles swept his gaze around his living room then gave Spike a stern look. Spike mumbled, "Bugger. And your flat. Tosser."

Buffy continued, "Besides, Spike's all delicate now, so we probably won't break anything else."

Spike grumped, "Hate bein' weak like this. Stamina's diminished, too." He looked at Giles. "How do you cope?" Giles opened his mouth and Spike held up a hand. "Wrong bloke to ask. What's it been, Rupes, nearly a year since you've been shagged? You haven't gotten a leg over since we all lost our voices, have you?"

Giles sputtered, "That's none of your business, and I'll have you know I cope very well, thank you. My partners have all been satisfied with my performance."

Buffy blushed and looked down at her feet. "I thought you did fine, Spike."

Spike smiled smugly. "If I'd not been made human, we'd still be shaggin', pet, and Rupes would likely be gettin' a loo remodel out of the deal." He stepped over to the jumbled pile of couch and fished around, looking for their clothes. When he'd located them, he slipped into his jeans and took off the robe. He bent down and held up Buffy's sweats and shirt. "Here you go, luv."

Buffy took the clothes and headed for the bathroom to change.

Giles eyed him. "You can't walk to Buffy's like that, Spike. You're half-dressed. It's indecent."

Spike picked up the robe. "Could wear this, I suppose, then I'd look like a decently dressed escaped mental patient."

Giles reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I was trying to infer that I would drive you."

Spike smirked. "Then you should have said." Buffy reappeared and Spike stepped into his boots then nodded toward the door. "Let's go."

Giles held up a hand. "Before we do, I have something to tell you. Riley came round looking for you, Buffy."

Buffy paled and moved to a stool, plopping down onto it with a thud. "When?"

"Shortly after you'd gone to investigate the… uh… noise in my lavatory."

Buffy paled even further. "Did he hear us?"

Giles shook his head. "No. He didn't make it to my door. As soon as I'd ascertained what was about to happen, I left the flat and met him in the courtyard. I told him you weren't here and that I had something to discuss with him. We went to the Magic Box and I explained the situation. He was rather upset at first, but he eventually calmed down enough to see reason."

"You're sure he's not mad?"

"I don't believe he is any longer. When I left to come back here, he said he was going to go for a walk and that he would talk to you when it was over. He even expressed interest in helping you to raise the child, should you decide to keep it."

Spike frowned. "Not sure I want that git havin' anythin' to do with it, Watcher. You know he'll completely shut me out. Probably stake me in my sleep or firebomb my crypt just to get rid of me."

Buffy shook her head. "No, he won't. We'll work something out."

Spike nodded, but his expression said that he didn't believe a word.

XXXX

Buffy gulped when they pulled up in front of the house. Riley was sitting on the porch and she could see his stormy expression even from the street. "Guess the talking and walking didn't help. He looks really mad." She looked at Spike. "Let me handle this, okay?"

Spike nodded. "Best make it quick, though, pet. Holdin' my thoughts back is a lot more difficult now. I'm likely to shag Rupes here if you take too long with Soldier Boy."

Giles snapped, "You most certainly will not." He held up a stake. "I'm quite certain this will still work on you, one way or another."

Spike waggled his eyebrows. "Knew you had a kink or two, Watcher."

Buffy grimaced and climbed out of the car. "I'll hurry. Just don't… ugh… I'll hurry." She tried to smile at Riley as she walked up the sidewalk, but the smile wilted when she got close enough to see the nearly empty bottle of whiskey clutched in his hand. "Okay, Riley, I know you're mad, but just let me explain."

He looked up at her blearily. "Explain what? That you're a whore? A two-timing, back-stabbing, cheating slut?"

Buffy recoiled like she'd been slapped and stumbled backwards, clutching the porch railing. "What?"

He rose unsteadily to his feet, waving the bottle menacingly in her direction. "You heard me. I know what you've been doing. And what you've been doing it with." He jabbed the bottle toward Giles' car, not noticing the two doors hanging open or the men hurrying up the walk. "Is it in the car? The disgusting thing you've been fucking? The thing you're going to let implant you with its spawn? I can't believe you let Hostile 17 touch you. You make me sick."

He stumbled toward her, the hand holding the bottle rising to strike. Buffy just watched him, too shocked to move or defend herself. The bottle started to plummet toward her head but was stopped when Spike's hand gripped Riley's wrist. Riley jerked his arm out of Spike's grasp, but the motion unbalanced him and he wobbled precariously. Spike helpfully shoved the larger man and Riley tripped over his own feet, falling heavily to the porch. Spike stood over him, fists clenched and chest heaving in anger. "You wanna hit someone, I'm right here, you twat, but you'll not be layin' a finger on Buffy."

Giles climbed the steps behind Spike and moved to stand beside him. "As much as it pains me to say so, I'm afraid I have to agree with Spike."

Riley glared up at Giles. "She cheated on me!" He waved the bottle at Spike. "With that! And she's going to let it fill her belly with an abomination!" He kicked clumsily at Spike's leg.

Spike rolled his eyes and easily sidestepped the kick. "You handle the prat, Watcher. Slayer and I don't have time for this bollocks." Giles nodded and Spike turned to Buffy. She was still clutching the porch railing, her eyes wide and her face as pale as paper. Spike reached out and gently took her arm. "Buffy? Let's go into the house, yeah? Rupert will take care of the lout and when he's sobered up, you two can talk, all right? I'm sure he didn't mean any of that, so don't pay it any mind. It's just the liquor talking."

Buffy let herself be steered toward the house and Spike opened the door then gently prodded her across the threshold. When she was fully inside, he turned back to Riley and furiously whispered, "You don't deserve her, you fuckin' waste of blood, and you'd better make this right, or so help me…" He paused then muttered, "I wonder…" before stepping forward and launching a kick at Riley's crotch. His boot connected squarely and Riley's face went white with pain then he rolled to his side, dropping the bottle to clutch at his privates as he voiced a thin, reedy wail.

Spike raised a hand to his head, anticipating the blinding agony of the chip frying his brain, then he lowered it and blinked in wonder. Nothing. He smiled wickedly and took a step toward Riley only to be stopped by Giles' hand on his arm. He looked at Giles and shrugged. "Wasn't gonna do anything, Watcher."

Giles smiled slightly. "I'm sure." He nodded toward the front door. "Please tend to Buffy. I will handle Mr. Finn."

Spike nodded and turned toward the door. "You knew the chip would stop workin' once I was made human, didn't you?"

"I thought it might, but I wasn't certain. I thought it best not to mention it."

Spike spoke over his shoulder as he stepped into the house. "We'll be havin' a chat on that subject, you and I."

Giles said quietly, "I'm sure," as the door closed. He looked down at the man lying curled into a ball on the porch then, with a sigh, bent to help him to his feet.

XXXX

Buffy was sitting slumped on the couch with her hands clasped between her knees when Spike entered the house. He shut the door quietly behind him then walked over to her. "Buffy?"

She looked up at him, her face pale and drawn. "He hates me, Spike. Did you hear what he said?"

"I did, but like I said, he's snockered, pet, and it would seem that he's a mean drunk. Try not to let it get to you. I'm sure he'll be appropriately apologetic once he sobers up."

Buffy chuckled bitterly and looked down at her hands. "The only people who tell the complete truth are drunks and small children. He meant all of that. I make him sick. He's disgusted by what we've been doing. By what we're going to do." She unclasped her hands and laid one lightly on her belly. "He would hate our baby." She looked up at Spike, her lower lip wobbling. "I can't be with someone who would hate my child." A tear broke free and trailed slowly down her cheek. "So I guess that means Riley and I are done."

Spike nodded. "It would seem so. I'm sorry."

Buffy chuckled bitterly again. "No you're not."

Spike took a deep breath and sat down next to her. "No, I'm not, but it seemed like the right thing to say." He tentatively placed his arm around her shoulders, and when she didn't pull away or push his arm off, he gently pulled her to lean against him. She buried her face in his chest and started sobbing. Spike held her, wondering at the strange turn his unlife had taken. Here he was, the Slayer of Slayers, sitting on a sofa holding the deadliest Slayer he'd ever faced while she cried. And the strangest thing was that taking care of Buffy felt exactly right.

He waited until the sobs had tapered off then murmured quietly into her hair. "The prat doesn't deserve you, pet, and I guarantee he'll be kicking himself for letting you go."

Buffy sniffled and sat up, looking down at her lap. "Doubtful, but thanks." She pushed her hair back from her face then swiped roughly at her tear-stained cheeks. "Probably wouldn't have worked out anyway. Besides, I'm supposed to be alone. The 'one girl in all the world' thing. Sometimes being Chosen sucks ass."

Spike reached out and lifted her chin with his finger until he could look her in the eye. "You're not alone, Buffy." He dropped his hand and lifted the other to the back of his neck, feeling suddenly shy as he shifted his gaze to the coffee table. "I mean… uh… you've got family and friends and what all."

Buffy stared at him for a long minute then whispered, "And you. You said I had you."

He swallowed hard then met her eyes again and whispered, "You do."

XXXX

Giles picked up the phone on the second ring. "Buffy?"

"Yeah. It's over. We're all lusted out and I can't hear Spike's thoughts anymore. I'm pregnant."

"I see. Have you decided what you're going to do?"

"Sort of, but we're gonna get some sleep and then we'll talk about it some more when we haven't been awake for nearly four days. He wants to talk to my mom about it, too, and she won't be back for a couple of days, so we won't make a final decision until then."

"All right."

"Where's Riley?"

Giles looked over at the camp mattress he'd placed in the corner of the living room he'd spent the last several hours cleaning. A snoring Riley was sprawled across it. "He's here, sleeping it off."

"Okay. When he wakes up, tell him to never contact me or any of my friends again. We're done."

"You're certain?"

"I am. And tell him to leave Spike alone or I'll kick his ass. That goes for the rest of his buddies, too. None of this is Spike's fault and I won't have Riley getting his friends to help him work out his anger issues."

"If that's what you want."

"It is."

"Where is Spike?"

"In the shower."

"Will he be returning to his crypt soon? I'd like to give him the rest of the blood I purchased. Anya wants it out of the refrigerator at the shop."

"Can you just bring it here and put it in the fridge so he'll have it when he wakes up? I'll leave the kitchen door unlocked."

"May I ask why he'll be sleeping there instead of his crypt?"

Buffy sighed heavily. "Because we're going to see if we can get along when we're not under a spell. If we can be around each other…"

"Without it devolving into a shouting match."

"Yeah. We need to see if we can make this work."

"You mean raising a child together? I thought you hadn't decided that yet."

"We haven't, but if that's the way we go, then we need to be able to get along, and finding out if we can't now would be better than finding out later when there's a baby in the mix."


	7. What a Difference a Year Makes

Side Effects

Chapter Seven – What a Difference a Year Makes

* One Year Later *

"All right, Bit, you can hold her, but just for a few minutes. She's meant to be napping right now or she'll be cranky when Buffy gets home from school and won't nurse properly. Besides, you have homework to do."

Dawn took the small bundle from Spike and sat down happily on the couch. She snuggled the baby close, tucking her blanket around her, then started rocking her gently. "I don't have any homework today and I don't mind holding her while she sleeps. She's adorable."

Spike smiled proudly down at his daughter. "That she is. Got Buffy's looks, she does. Gonna be a heartbreaker someday."

Dawn snorted. "Right. Like you're ever gonna let her date. You won't let me date and I'm not even your kid."

"That's 'cause none of the blokes your age are worth your time. Bunch of complete prats."

"Whatever, Spike."

"Don't 'whatever' me, missy. You'll be allowed to date when you find a boy who's interested in you for your mind instead of just wantin' to be with you for…"

Dawn chirped, "Sex? Hot monkey lovin'? Getting down and dirty? The horizontal mambo?"

Spike sputtered, "Bite your tongue! You'll not be doin' **that** until long after I'm dust. And you're not to spend so much time with Anya anymore, either. She's a bad influence."

Dawn giggled, "Says the 'Scourge of Europe' who spends two nights a week drinking and playing kitten poker down at Willy's."

Spike waved a hand and turned, grumbling under his breath as he headed for the kitchen. "If I'd shown that much cheek when I was her age I wouldn't have been able to sit down for a week."

XXXX

Buffy slipped quietly into the bedroom and shut the door behind her. She took off her shoes and jacket and walked over to the crib in the corner, lifting her shirt and unfastening her nursing bra as she went. She bent down and picked up the squirming baby who was just about to start squalling then sat down in the rocking chair, placing the infant's mouth to her breast. She looked over at the recliner in the opposite corner as the baby started suckling in earnest and smiled. "How was her night?"

Spike placed a bookmark then closed his book and laid it on the small table next to the chair. "Good. We watched one of those 'Baby Einstein' videos then she had a bath. I read to her and we looked at a few pictures of your mum while Niblet told us some stories, then I fed her four ounces of milk and rocked her to sleep. You got home just in time; I was just about to go warm another bottle. You're down to three bottles of expressed milk, by the way. Should probably pump some when she's done eating or we won't have enough for tomorrow." He rose from the chair and stepped into his boots then lifted his duster off a hook on the wall. "Any particular area you want me to focus on tonight?"

Buffy shook her head. "Not really. It's been pretty quiet. I hit the east side, so just do a quick sweep of the graveyards on the west side and that should be good."

He nodded and stepped to the bedroom door as he slid into his duster. "All right. Do you need me here in the morning to get Niblet off to school?"

"No, I'll do that. I don't have class until one."

"See you at noon then. Don't forget to unlock the kitchen door. I'll be comin' in hot."

"Okay." Spike opened the door and was just about to step through when Buffy called out, "Spike?"

He stopped and looked over his shoulder. "Yeah?"

"Um… instead of going to your crypt, could you come back here when you're done patrolling?"

"I was plannin' to go to Willy's since I don't have to be here 'til noon. Big poker game goin' on tonight."

"Could you come by here before you go there?"

He turned and fully faced her. "Is there somethin' I forgot to do?"

"No, I um… I just want to talk."

"About what?"

"Can I tell you when you come back? Please?"

He tilted his head and considered her for a few moments then nodded. "All right. See you in a couple of hours."

XXXX

Spike slipped quietly into the bedroom two hours later and stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes widening. Buffy was on the bed, freshly showered and wearing a silky baby doll nightgown as she reclined against a stack of pillows. Spike's mouth went dry at the sight and he cleared his throat. "Uh… thought you said you wanted to talk."

She patted the bed next to her hip. "I do. Come sit down."

He shook his head and took off his duster, hanging it on the hook before he sat down in the recliner. "Think I'll stay over here 'till I suss out just what the hell's goin' on." He kept his gaze averted from the bed and nodded at the empty crib. "Where's Joyce-Anne?"

"In the bassinet in Dawn's room. I thought we should be alone for this."

"Right. So… uh… what do you want to talk about?"

"Us."

He nodded. "All right. So talk."

Buffy nervously twisted the hem of her nightgown in her fingers. "When all this started, we hated each other, could barely stand to be in the same room…"

"And then we were magically forced to shag each other blind for nearly four straight days. I was there, pet. I remember."

"And I remember how you treated me… after."

Spike snorted. "When we stayed cooped up in this house trying our level best not to tear each other's throats out? I seem to remember a lot of shoutin' and punchin'. Luckily your mum showed up 'fore we'd managed to kill each other." He smiled wistfully. "Your mum was a classy lady, pet. Spine of tempered steel, too, the way she stood up to us, two super-powered people who could've killed her with our pinky fingers. But she didn't take any guff… from us or from Rupert. Remember when she slapped him for even suggesting that you terminate the pregnancy? Don't think I've ever seen him so entirely gobsmacked."

Buffy smiled warmly. "Remember how she made us do chores together until we could have a conversation without violence or insulting each other? Mom probably had the cleanest house in California by time we started being friends. But I wasn't talking about that… I meant after Mom got..."

Spike's smile faded and he looked down at his knees. "Sick."

"Yeah. You stepped up, Spike, took care of all of us, and you didn't have to. Your only responsibility was to our baby, but you took care of ALL of us. You kept me from falling apart when she died, made sure I ate, handled her funeral arrangements, paid the bills, helped Dawn with her homework, patrolled for me… the list goes on and on. And what you did for us when Glory kidnapped you…"

Spike snorted again. "Bint was delusional, thinkin' you were pregnant with her key, but she was completely off her bird to offer me power in exchange for my daughter. Good thing she was so full of herself, though, or your Watcher wouldn't have figured out how to stop her. Barmy bitch just couldn't stop talkin'…" His hand drifted to a spot on his chest and he scratched lightly with his fingers. "…or torturin'." He dropped his hand and leaned back in the chair with a quiet sigh. "You already thanked me for that ages ago, Slayer," he waved vaguely in her direction, "so this is really not necessary. Don't get me wrong, you look a right treat, but you don't have to…"

"That's not what this is, and you know it. Thanking you for helping to save our lives is not why I'm dressed like this."

"Then why are you dressed like that?" Spike glanced at her then looked away. "Is this some sort of test? You want to see if I can control myself? Or are you tryin' to drive me mad? You know I love you, but you said you needed time, so I've kept my distance, let you have all the space I could while still takin' care of our daughter, and now…" he waved vaguely in her direction again, "…this. What do you want from me?"

"You've been so patient with me, a lot more patient than anyone thought you could be, and now… I've had enough time and enough space. That's why I'm dressed like this."

Spike looked up at her, his gaze questioning. "So… your kit there means you're thinkin' 'bout changin' the nature of our relationship?"

Buffy nodded. "Yes."

He looked her over then dropped his eyes to his lap with another sigh. "To what, exactly? You want me to scratch an itch? I'll buy you toys for that, but I don't want to **be** the toy, so if that's all you want from me, then I'd rather keep our relationship as it is. Don't much care for bein' used, and I can't do the 'friends with benefits' thing that's so popular these days. It'd kill me, Buffy… not havin' all of you."

Buffy shook her head. "That's not all I want. I've been paying attention, you know. Watching you with Joyce-Anne, with Dawn. You're a good father. And with the Scoobies… with me… I've **seen** you, Spike. Seen that you're a good man… and I…" She paused, still twisting the hem of her nightgown.

Spike looked over at her. "You… what?"

She freed her fingers from the fabric and smoothed it out over her thighs then looked up, catching Spike's eyes in an intense gaze. "I love you."

Spike stared at her then blinked and dropped his gaze with a muttered, "No, you don't. You might have fuzzy feelings toward me, but that's probably just 'cause I'm around all the time."

Buffy smacked her hand down on the bed. "Fuzzy feelings? God, you drive me crazy! I'm sure about how I feel and my feelings for you aren't fuzzy, you big dope! I love you! I'm IN LOVE with you! Stupid vampire!"

Spike looked up at her, his eyes wide. Their gazes locked for a few minutes then he stood up. "Say it again."

Buffy blinked then smirked. "Say what, that you're a stupid vampire?"

Spike smiled and started walking toward the bed. "No, not that, the other."

Buffy sat up, reaching out toward him. "I love you, Spike."

He stripped his shirt off and tossed it behind him. "Again."

Buffy smiled as he crawled up the bed toward her. She reached for the back of his neck and pulled him down, murmuring against his lips. "I love you. Now please make love to me."

He did. For hours. And they didn't destroy anything… well… except for Buffy's nightgown.

XXXX

Dawn carefully opened Buffy's bedroom door and peeked inside. It took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the dimness of the room, but when they did, she saw Buffy snuggled up in her bed next to Spike, her head on his chest and her arm draped across his stomach. And they were apparently naked; their lower halves tangled in a swirl of sheet. Spike cracked one eye and peered at the doorway then smiled and closed it again, pulling Buffy closer to him with the arm wrapped around her back.

Dawn quietly closed the door and turned for the stairs, a smile splitting her face. She looked down at the baby she held in her arms and whispered, "Your mommy and daddy are together now, Joycie." Her smile widened. "It's about damn time."


End file.
